Maybe you just went through a break up. Maybe someone near and dear to you died. Maybe you are overwhelmed with your child’s behaviors. When difficult situations arise often there are messy, uncomfortable emotions to feel.
So what do we do? Well it seems as if most people’s first instincts are to get busy and avoid feeling. Someone asks you “how are you doing?” You say “keeping busy” or “working a lot”. If you notice neither answer actually is a feeling – it is what you are doing to avoid feeling. People often spend a lot of time avoiding having to feel.
At the same time most people will say they just want to feel better. They want to accept their loss or frustration and move on. They may be frustrated when it seems to take too long to feel better.
First there is no time limit for a feeling. Emotions are complicated and you may feel sad or happy or guilty all in a short time. If your emotions start interfering with your day to day life you may consider getting outside assistance.
Second, to get to the place of being better – you are going to have to stop and actually feel those uncomfortable feelings. Take a moment and identify the feelings you have – not what you are thinking or what you are doing. For example “I feel lonely” vs. “I think I’m not worthy” or whatever. Take a moment to actually feel. It is ok to feel sad or frustrated. Emotions serve a purpose. Difficult feelings might spurn you to make a change.
The intensity of feelings generally fades when they are acknowledged and felt. Taking the time to stop and just be with your emotions just may get you to the better place you want be.