Holding Hope Services

Julie Fanning LCSW



Share your pain

For some reason I am all about speaking up lately.  I was playing on Pinterest (you know – instead of doing something productive) and I came across this quote:

“I learned that now that one who speaks about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”  CS Lewis

I have so much love for this quote.  It is so easy to not speak about what hurts us.  Sometimes it is to avoid.  If I don’t talk about something that bothers me then I don’t have to feel as bad.  Sometimes we don’t talk because a situation seems hopeless and nothing changes.    Sometimes it is because we think other people must be sick and tired of listening to us go on and on about it.  Seems like acceptable reasoning.

Only, the aftermath of not sharing can be so much more devastating. Not speaking can lead to isolation.  Not speaking up can lead to more feelings of hopelessness and desperation.  Not sharing can even lead to feeling shame.  Not sharing and speaking can lead to avoiding feelings which oddly enough often make feelings more pronounced.

I’m not suggesting you tell the cashier at Target all your problems but I bet there are some safe people in your life you can speak to.  People generally want to help us.   People generally are understanding.  Talk to a close neighbor, friend or family or even a therapist.  (Shout out for therapy from the therapist!)  You might be surprised at how speaking up alleviates some of your hurt and helps you feel more centered and whole.   

Doctor Who Quote IV

I haven’t shared a Doctor Who quote in awhile.

Previous Doctor Who posts are:

Doctor Who Quote I and explanation

Doctor Who Quote II

Doctor Who Quote III

The new season has started so I’m going to have so many new ones so I better start sharing the list I already have.  I like the quote below because life is messy.  I constantly tell people “…but that doesn’t take away from …”  Sometimes we have this all or nothing mentality.  Life is so much  good and difficult.  It just is.  The good days, the good times doesn’t take make the bad times disappear but the good times are still good.  Difficult times don’t minimize the times that are great.  There is no all or nothing.  It just is.

Yes, I still have a ton of Doctor Who quotes to share.

Previous posts (and explanations) with Doctor Who Quotes:

“A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting.” – The Third Doctor, The Time Warrior


Making lists, checking off tasks, moving ahead – all good ways to reach your goals.  Just don’t forget that being better than and having more than is generally not the purpose of life.  It is ok to take a bit of a side trip.  Think of all the things you miss by strictly adhering to a schedule.  You might miss talking to the older couple at the gas station telling how they just hit their 60th anniversary and their secrets on keeping a marriage together.  Maybe you will miss seeing that gorgeous waterfall that is a bit off the beaten path.  Maybe you’ll miss hysterically laughing with your family as you somehow get lost in a parking garage when you swear you were just driving down a street.  Maybe you’ll miss a deeper connection with family and friends because you skip that 15 minutes of coffee in the morning with your significant other or you go and run errands rather than have a picnic with the kids.  Like many of you I want to move forward, meet my goals and live fully.  I just know the times I remember are not the times I completed my tasks in an orderly manner (get up, get ready, feed everybody, go to work, run errands, get dinner on the stove, network a half other, do a load of laundry, play on the internet, get ready for bed, go to sleep.)  The times I remember are the other times.  The times I jumped a bit off the scheduled path.  The days I remember are the days I say “let’s totally do this instead.”  I remember the days I said “well I was planning on doing this but I can be flexible.”  I know we all have responsibilities and duties in our lives but is that really it?

I believe life is not meant to be a series of tasks but interesting.  I want to enjoy interesting things, interesting places and interesting people.  Next time you feel yourself stressed out about sticking to your schedule – maybe ask yourself if you’d rather open yourself up for all sorts of interesting things to happen and give yourself permission to take a step out of your to do list.

I am going to admit that I’ve never seen the third doctor but that would be the beauty of the internet.  You can find anything!  Here is a clip with the Third Doctor.

Doctor Who Quote 2


I’m ready to share my next favorite Doctor Who quote (and no they are not in any particular order.)

For the previous Doctor Who Blog Post follow the link below.

04/03/2012 – Doctor Who Quote 1 (and explanation)

“Letting it get to you. That’s being alive; it’s being here right now. And that’s the best thing there is.”-11th Doctor, /The Doctor’s Wife/

Many of people’s struggles with the problems in their life have to do with avoiding emotions.  I’ve said it before allow you to feel those uncomfortable feelings – they aren’t going to go away by ignoring them.  Not only will feeling those emotions help you, feeling them will also enable you to be comfortable around other people who are struggling with their own rough feelings.    You can sit with them and witness instead of distracting them in an effort to lighten the mood. (Yes, I know I am guilty of this. I’m working on it.)
I think this quote is not just about struggles but staying in the moment and living fully.  When you feel passionate about something, shout it out to the world.  When you are happy – share it.  When something gets to you – speak out.  Feel.  Be alive.  Don’t worry about looking stupid or doing it wrong – just live.

And just for fun the BBC trailer from the episode “The Doctor’s Wife.”

Doctor Who Quote(s)

Hi.  I’m Julie and I may be a Doctor Who fan girl.  Yes, I’m doing it.  I’m going to let the side of me that loves Doctor Who come to play.  This show has just some of the most amazing quotes.   Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to narrow my choices down.  (It was difficult like a difficult thing I’m telling you!)  I also admit I didn’t start watching until the ninth doctor but what can you do?  Though I did include a couple of quotes from previous Doctor incarnations too.  If you have no idea what Doctor Who is all about (which would be a super sad face) you can look here
Doctor Who wikipedia  .

I picked several quotes and they will just be popping up once in awhile in my blog posts.  Look at it like a happy surprise.    Most of these were taken from this article and the comments from the article. 

I can’t judge the accuracy of the quotes but they are “close enough”.  And really, most quotes people are fond of saying are probably just close enough.  Think big picture.

So here we go – and they are in no particular order – Dr. Who quote I like #1.

“There’s something that doesn’t make sense. Let’s go and poke it with a stick.” 
– The Doctor 

I LOVE this quote.  It is almost an endorsement for therapy and is definitely an endorsement of learning.  How many times have you heard “let sleeping dogs lie?” Conventional wisdom says don’t create conflict.  Don’t start a problem but sometimes a little stirring up is beneficial.  I am all for peace and calm.  (Come on, I collect peace signs and have a peace sign tattoo.  I also am Libra and you know Libras like things fair and even.)  Only,  sometimes we don’t get to the heart of things, we don’t hash it out and live life to the fullest if we aren’t exploring, learning and poking it with a stick. 

Go ahead try it.
(Also, a trailer below just so you can get an idea.  Probably not an accurate one but let me tell you.  It grows on you!)

You are enough!

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Christopher Robin to Pooh

I have this quote in my office.  More than once someone has told me they read it and remembered they were stronger than they sometimes think.  Don’t sell yourself short.   This isn’t about enduring obstacles.  This is about achieving potential.  This is about jumping in with both feet.  
This is about soaring.  You are more.

Totally random post…

Robert Frost’s Poem:  Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
I have always absolutely loved the last stanza of this poem.  I have actually thought that if I would ever get a quote tattooed on me (which I’m guessing I never will) it would be the lines “…But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.”
Sometimes there are just sayings or lines in songs that touch something in us – even if no one else gets it.  The things that resonate us tells a lot about a person.  I’m not always sure what.
Grab on to those things that resonate with you.  They are who you are.
See.  Totally random.

Friends and Forgiveness

Or… Random ramblings on another quote. 

We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends.” Sir Francis Bacon

This quote caught my attention.  Not so much the part about forgiving our enemies, because even though I fully believe resentment and anger can slowly kill our soul, I don’t know if it is always a good idea to encourage people to forgive those who may have egregiously hurt them.  I think it is more important to process and figure out how to not let someone else’s actions eat us up inside and how to not get lost in anger toward someone.  What is important is not letting rage, anger or resentment consume you so you become that unhappy, angry person.
The part of the quote that did catch my attention is the part of forgiving our friends.  This is the area I see people struggling with a lot.  Friends sometimes disappoint us.  I see so many people cut friends out of their lives over something that in the big picture is probably not that important.  I don’t believe that people should keep others who are constantly disrespecting or not valuing them in their lives but our friends our only human. 
Our friends have bad days and make stupid decisions and may say hurtful things.  For many, it seems easier sometimes to just let go of a friendship then trying to reconcile and work it out.  The reconciling part is always a little uncomfortable.  I wonder if many people’s aversion to uncomfortable feelings allows them to throw away a friendship rather than feel the yucky feelings of figuring it out.  I’m as guilty as the next person.  I look back at my life and there is a friendship or two that I wish I had taken the time to reconcile and nurture.  My life would be richer with those people in it.
Friends (and people in general) aren’t disposable.  Some might argue that so much in life and our families are difficult and that friendships should be easy.  I think any relationship – friends or others – take time and work and ultimately are worth it.  I am eternally grateful that my best friend has seen clear to forgive me over the years.  I would be a much poorer person if she wasn’t in my life (as, I believe, I add something to her life.)  Next time a friend disappoints or irritates you, take a moment and ask yourself if this is a relationship worth saving.  Ask yourself if you are throwing something away too quickly.  Ask yourself if you get over the awkwardness or disappointment if you will miss this person in your life.  You are worth having substantial relationships.  (I’m adding that statement because life gets in the way and people seem to forget they can have multiple people in their lives.)  Give forgiving your friends a try.
If one by one we counted people out
For the least sin, it wouldn’t take us long
To get so we had no one left to live with.
For to be social is to be forgiving.

Mahatma Gandhi

Random Quote

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future”  Oscar Wilde
I just like this quote. No matter who we are we have a past which made us this person.  Yet our past doesn’t define us.  The quote seems hopeful because no matter our past we can shape our future.  That is all.

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